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White Women Tears Are Weapons of Domestic Terrorism and Our Desire to “People-Please” is Rooted in Anti-Blackness

As a white woman who, because of my white skin, will be received as softer and more likeable compared to Black women and femmes, I know it is my responsibility to validate, honor, and uplift Black women and femmes when they speak their truth and tell their stories.

This is why when Lana Del Rey posted her shit-show of a diary entry on Instagram it reeked of a pouty entitlement wrapped up in a sinister system that empowered Carolyn Donham Bryant to conjure a narrative so evil that it led to the horrific murder of a 14-year-old boy, Emmett Till.

What white lies are we telling that lead to Black deaths? When we say language matters it means that it is a matter of life and death.

How, as white women, have we confused our self-advocacy with violence that lands on Black bodies? When do we willingly shape-shift into a damsel being abducted by King Kong when there is actually no threat? All white women are possessed by the white psyche that informed and fueled Amy Cooper’s anti-Black rage.

Yes, rage. Because she was rageful that Christian Cooper, a Black man refused to stay in his societally-imposed inferior position by challenging her white authority.

And she summoned her white woman tears knowing that she was utilizing one of the greatest weapons of domestic terrorism in this country.

That phone call to the police is a death sentence. We are the grim reapers alongside the police. It’s important to research alternatives to calling 911, but even more important is cross-examining ourselves as to why we want to call 911 in the first place.

What parts of our assembled fears are manufactured? Does abolition scare you? Why?

Read MPD150’s 10 Action Ideas for Building a Police-Free Future

When our reality is manufactured out of a dream that whiteness affords us, as Ta-Nehisi Coates describes in his monumental book Between the World and Me (this book changed my life), what of our fears are really just figments of our white imagination?

It is our perceived insecurities and our fear of losing power that holds us hostage to this false sense of intimidation. We are societally conditioned to cower and regress into white society’s imagining of a “little girl.” A guise that holds our position in the social hierarchy of white supremacist patriarchy.

Lana Del Rey may think it was by accident that she compiled a list of mostly Black women to contrast her womanhood against theirs, but one look at history tells us how this choice was informed by internalized white supremacy.

White womanhood sustains its false purity and innocence by bolstering racist and degrading conceptions of Black womanhood. It is a deeply, anti-Black scam that we need to interrupt.

We will often paint ourselves the frail, demure victims of Black women’s ever-intimidating presence as if by nature we are the fragile ones and Black women are the looming threats to true womanhood.

The historical and current racialized standards of beauty (thin, cis, white, European features, etc.) have constantly been weaponized against Black women and femmes.

This is why if you’re a white woman and you’re scared of being the “trouble-maker,” the “feminist killjoy,” the “buzzkill,” — your fears are mostly informed by white codes of conduct.

The consequences we fear for speaking out are usually framed in a desire to be a “people-pleaser,” but in a white supremacist society, the desire to be a “people pleaser” is really just aligning ourselves with anti-Blackness.

Disturb the fuck out of this violent “peace.” Be an unabashed feminist killjoy.

I’m now enrolling for Feminist Killjoy Business School if you want help integrating your values and ethics into your business, life, career, and relationships. And I’m still doing 1:1 coaching and Empowerment Sessions for those looking to go even deeper on a personal level. Book a Clarity Call with me today!

Mindset Coach. Speaker. Founder of Terra Incognita Media. Guide at Feminist Killjoy Business School. Libra sun, Scorpio Moon, Virgo Rising.

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