Unintentionally, I was Still Raised to be Racist: Constructed Fear, White Fragility, and How I Keep Engaging

Erin Monahan
8 min readMar 8, 2019

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Photo by Filip Zrnzević of Les Sybelles, Saint-Sorlin-d’Arves, France

Last night on the phone with a friend I was discussing my process of detaching from whiteness (because it’s different for everyone). I was talking about how my mom was a huge influence in me becoming dedicated to working towards social justice, but unintentionally, I was still raised to be racist.

In my family we didn’t have conversations about race at the dinner table. We didn’t talk about what it meant to be white in this world. Conversations about my roots extended to my Nana (mom’s mom), but not much further back. We didn’t talk about how structural inequity made it possible for us to acquire the intergenerational wealth we have as an upper middle class white family living in the midwest suburbs.

Robin DiAngelo recently wrote an essay titled, “White People Are Still Raised to Be Racially Illiterate. If We Don’t Recognize the System, Our Inaction Will Uphold It.” I would edit the title to read: “White People Are Still Raised to be Racist.” But that would be really triggering for us white people. “Racially illiterate” sounds nicer than “racist.” We really don’t like being called “racist.”

In the conversation with my friend, I continued, “All white people are racist.” My friend hesitated with this.

He said, “Well, I have a hard time with that because then that means we are all just doomed. Like, we are just white and we can’t do anything about it.”

If we are just starting to learn about how white supremacy functions in our society — how it was created, how it continues, how we perpetuate it — this is an understandable response. I used to think that we are not born from the womb racist...but now that I am thinking about it, if we consider how intergenerational trauma works, we might be. Do we inherit intergenerational racism?

Race is social construct, which means our society created it, it’s an invention, and our society ensures that power held by a particular race, the white race, continues. While race is a construct, it still has tangible impacts.

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Erin Monahan

Trauma-Informed Mindset Coach. Host of OFF THE DEEP END podcast. Founder of Terra Incognita Media. Guide at Vesta Business School. Writer + Speaker.