On Being Unlikable and Alive: We Read to Find Life in All its Ugly, Beautiful Truth

(This essay was originally written on July 25, 2016. I made some slight edits and added to it for a more complete analysis.)

This morning I am reading, Bad Feminist, by Roxane Gay. I’m reading the section of the book titled, Not Here to Make Friends, about how women in fiction, and in life, are judged based on their likability. Gay begins by discussing Charlize Theron’s character in Young Adult. “…an unlikable woman embodies any number of unpleasing but entirely human characteristics. Mavis (Theron’s character) is beautiful, cold, calculating, self-absorbed, full of odd tics, insensitive, and largely dysfunctional in nearly every aspect of her life. These are apparently unacceptable traits for a woman, particularly given the sheer number working in concert.”

Gay explains that the most interesting characters are the most human. Detailing many examples in novels where women are the unbearable doers of all things holy, good, and innocent, she observes that many times critics in literary conversations will rate a work of fiction poorly if the characters are unlikable — “as if literary merit is dictated by whether or not we want to be friends or lovers with those about whom we read.” That “perfect society lady” who “knows how to keep up appearances” stands within the realm of social…