Confronting the Cis, White, Male Gaze: How Do You “Stick it to the Man,” When You’re in Bed With “The Man”?

Love, validation, connection, and community, are all human needs that are turned into commodities under a capitalist, white supremacist, patriarchy. In our society the white male gaze validates everything. If it’s worthy, a cis white male will sign off on it.

As a cis, white woman, I didn’t realize that most of my life has been spent trying to pander to white male supremacy. This has looked like obsessively reading cosmo girl growing up. Spending 20 min before high school in the mornings freaking out about whether or not I was wearing too much blush or not enough. It has looked like me playing the “cool girl” to dudes in bands, climber bros, and the occasional guy in a suit in order to be seen as worthy, or just likeable.

But as I have gotten older, and have seen how my role in white supremacy is to support the structure by pandering to these white men in power, I see how crucial it is to disillusion myself from the benefits of being likeable. I have realized my likeability is only at stake when I address systemic issues happening in the spaces around me. Right now, men are afraid of what Trump calls a “witch hunt.” I have noticed that when I bring things up in establishments about the way a company is operating, the white men shift…